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    6/7/2006

    Bye bye disco(2006年5月8日)

    五一长假,回家。汽车飞驰在高速公路上,120码。路旁闪过的树和水泥墙面还有铁丝护栏彷佛一幅画,转瞬即逝。看见一个少年倔强的脸,看着窗外院子里梧桐树上的花;看见一个青年一头五颜六色的长发,破烂的牛仔裤,黑边眼镜里漠然的眼神;看见雨水绽放在操场上,翻滚着足球……
    在家里呆了两天,转瞬即逝,那些时间,那些空间留下的痕迹依然。匆忙向一切告别,我走得再快,也赶不上时间,一场婚礼让我在现实中苏醒了片刻,睁眼看着这浓重的社交气氛,透不过气,头像要炸开一样的难受,眼睛也彷佛身处伦敦大雾里一样视线模糊,思维变得混乱,混浊和不堪一击。我想我不该回去,面对那座20多年都没怎么变化的城市,甚至连小学时候偷偷去买香烟的摊子依然健在。唯一兴奋的是,米粉的味道依然会让我感到些许活着的美好。然后生日就在一场辛劳的婚礼中结束,甚至来不及看见时间刻在我心坎上的烙印,它就消逝了,转瞬即逝。迅速得如同高潮带来的快感一样,突然让人觉得委屈,想大哭,但是谁在乎?来去匆忙的人,心里只有自己的影子,我要说出来么?肯定不会给自己带来一丝额外的好处。算了吧,我说算了,谁又在乎我是真的算了?!头痛,混乱不堪!
    S打电话给我,说,我去死吧,生命转瞬即逝却又是那么的漫长。我说,让它自然发生吧,死亡突如其来才会让人有一种愧疚感,否则只是一个无聊的游戏。他说,找不到存在的意义和价值,和死了有什么区别。我无语了,我看着前方的街道,第一次觉得居然一望无际。我又头痛欲裂了,这该死的生活,这该死的躯体,我想我是不是该告诉S,去死是一件多么有意义的事情,将近十年前,我也做过如此有意义的事情。想着想着,居然感到一丝自豪让炸开的头颅缓缓愈合。然后我对S说,想死,就安静的等待吧,虔诚的祈祷,上天会感应得到,会安排一场突如其来的死亡的。
    离开这里,离开这个荒谬离开这个怪诞离开这个海平面一天天上涨臭氧层一天天稀薄的垃圾堆。告别吧,向一切告别——向DVD告别向INTERNET告别向MP3告别向ADIDAS告别向hiphop告别……活着的人们,珍惜那些怀疑珍惜那些猜忌珍惜那些莫名其妙的预感那些无厘头的语言那些被大卸八块模糊得面目全非的真相。爱情如果没有热血,那就让我们流血,总有一天,眉毛可以长过头发,总有一天,绳子可以栓住爱情,总有一天,生命真的转瞬即逝,总有一天,我可以看到存在的意义。是吧?再见,bye bye disco。

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